The Monthly Cue

Issue 9 April/May 05

Bigger than George Beasley's Belly.... & that takes some doing!!!!

Inside this issue…….

Farrelly Flaunts Big Hairy Pussy

Bertie Bassett Gets Evens

Andy West in Golfing Gaff

Sneaky

Southall

In Spying

Shocker

Quiz, Jokes & much more!!!

Following her heart-wrenching appeal in last months Cue, Nuneaton C & Warks Ladies Player

Laurie Farrelly is happy for you all to see her big hairy pussy!!!

(perverts!)

Rich Austin is living proof that ‘every picture tells a story’

We told you Boyish Baginskis was an Elf!

The Cue now has Undisputable Proof. 

A. He wears elfish clothes.

 B. Just look at his ears!!!

 C. Check out photo of 

     him going on his hols!

Sears with his new parrot – the Norwegian grey

Southall Shame!!!

New Singles League player Geoff Southall may have had a long, distinguished and unblemished pool career, but the Cue feels it only fair to warn his opponents to be extra vigilant after Geoff was caught cheating during a game of hide and seek! 

Speaking of his inability to win a match, Mick Taylor0 shared with the Cue one of his biggest secrets. Apparently he was born without eyelids!! Doctors quickly fashioned replacements with his circumcised foreskin. Everything seemed fine until he starting playing pool when they realised that he’d turned out cock-eyed!!!

Keen masturbator spikes own drink with rohypnol

A man describing himself as a passionate masturbator has admitted that he spiked his own drink with the drug Rohypnol in order to have his way with himself.The man told police he deliberately set out to prey on his own company, by slipping the potent sedative pill into his vodka and tonic whilst he wasn’t looking. He said his plan from the outset was to take advantage of himself while his defences were down.

 ‘I was really on the hunt for some self abuse’ the man said. ‘And when I saw this hottie bit of hand leaning on the bar I slipped myself a mickey, and the next thing I knew I was taking myself back to my place.’  

Police described the man as one of several predatory masturbators currently operating in watering holes around Nuneaton. ‘In fact it’s fair to say that most of Nuneaton’s’ pubs are full of wankers,’ a police spokesman said.

After years of disappointment with a cue Andy West has decided to change his game!

Well Andy’s reputation went before him so green-keepers made some adjustments to the course to help him out.

Sadly for Andy though his golf prowess seems to mirror his pool ability: and he three putted!

It's Quiz Time.....

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

THE MONTHLY CUE PROUDLY PRESENTS

The Monthly Cue’s own Slimming Correspondent

Jason Spencer

is all set to appear in the next ‘Celebrity Come Dancing’

Below are two pictures of the all conquering Fife Street Nomads

Study the photos closely and see how many differences can you spot?

Don’t forget to send your answers to monthlycue@aol.com

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Thanks goes to Dave Burnett who kindly sent us his  second WordSearch. He reckons that this is a bit of a tricky one. Dave has compiled a list of all the animals he has shagged and says it took him ages!

Good luck with this one ~ winner will receive a fun filled farm yard experience courtesy of Dave himself!

Poachers Pocket IQ test……

Ever thought of a change of team? Ever fancied a change of venue? Well now‘s your chance to join the up and coming Poachers Pocket Team led by the iconic Danny Barr!

But Danny won’t just sign anybody. You first have to prove that you’ll fit in with the rest of his buddies!

All you have to do is complete the short IQ test below, send it back to the Cue and we will forward it on to Danny fuckface himself!

 

1. Complete the sequence.

1   2   3   4   ?

 

2. Fill in the missing letter.

A  B  ?  D  E

 

3. Which is the odd shape out.

 

a.               b.               c.               d.                e.

 

4. If it takes Danny Barr 2 mins to lose at pool, how long will it take for Danny Barr to lose at pool?

 

a. 2 mins   b. 5 hours  c. 28 secs  d. a fortnight   e.  till the cows come home

 

The Cue can report that following his success in securing the role of Shrek, Chris Hatch’s luck with the ladies has greatly improved

You will remember in lasts months Cue we reported that Ben Swingerbottom had landed a job as a Wine Waiter. Well luckless Ben found himself in all sorts of difficulties when the chill on a bottle of Champagne caused an embarrassing contraction. After what seemed like hours trying to dislodge the blockage disaster was averted when Claire Quinney arrived on the scene. Fortunately she had just the tool for the job!

Pictured left is Singles League debutant Lee Yorke.

To celebrate his inclusion in this prestigious competition Lee rushed out and got himself a new cue.

Apparently he has been really buzzin’ in practice.

 

Jokes & Stuff

Why is difficult to solve a murder in Bedworth?

Because the DNA is all the same and there are no dental records!

Andy Yearby gets sent to prison. As soon as he walks into his cell his huge, scary looking cell mate says to him: ‘We’re gonna play house. Do you want to be mummy or daddy?’

After thinking for a minute Andy slowly answers:

‘Well if I have to choose, I guess I’ll be the daddy.’

‘OK’ his cellmate says, ‘ then get over here and suck mummy’s dick.’

Q:What sexual position creates the ugliest children?

A: Ask your mother!

(Gav looks surprisingly like Shaun Livock in this one! Ed)

Somewhat surprisingly Steve Sears agreed to share a house with Ben Swinnerton. One day Ben was sick at home and Steve called him to see how he was feeling.

‘Oh, by the way’ Steve asked, ‘has the paper boy come yet?’

 ‘No’ said Ben ‘ but he’s got that glassy look in his eye….’

Becs McCool and Claire Quinney are at the perfume counter testing the fragrances. ‘This one’s nice says Becs’. Claire takes a sniff and says ‘yes it is nice, what’s it called?’ ‘Viens a moi’ replies Becs.

‘I wonder what it means’ says Claire.

Overhearing their conversation the Sales Assistant says ‘Viens a moi, ladies, means come to me in french’ Claire takes another sniff and says, ‘nah, it don’t smell like cum to me’.

After the recent close season signing of the Rose Inn 'B's highly talentless pool bumkin Rob Orton, the Griff n Coton pool team has seen a dramatic slump in form!! Captain Claire Quinney commented ‘things can’t get much worse.’

Sorry Claire we at the Q have exclusive evidence that Warwickshire pool legend and Griff team mate Gaz Calcott is emulating your teams performances as he heads down the creek without a paddle!

Bumbandit Ben Swinnerton has kindly sent us this picture of him on his hols at a gay theme park in Yarmouth.

‘This was much better than Alton Towers’ said Ben… ‘Black Hole my arse!’

Still upset about his encounter with a horse in Newmarket and very fed up that the jokes still haven't tailed off (sorry Ed), the usually mild mannered Bertie Bassett bolted as fast as he could to Newmarket to settle the score once and for all! (see Pic below)

The Monthly Cue would like to congratulate all West Bromwich Albion fans on their Great Escape!

It should be a lesson to us all…….

It’s not over until the Fat Bloke Sings!!!!