Win

Christmas Lunch with Mushy McClaughlin

(obviously yours is the small one)

Having struggled of late to recruit players, the England Pool Selectors turned to Tourettes tormented Paul Willis for help!!!

Paul was supposed to say ‘Your Country Needs You’ but unfortunately was unable to get passed the first two syllables!

A catastrophe was averted when the Cue nearly incorrectly ran a story on Cabbage Cueman

Paul ‘Hmmm Betty’ Gibbs.

We had heard that Gibbo had been studying full time to take a Fire Fighters Examination but as you can see from the picture this should read that following a full examination he was taken by a Fire Fighter!!!

Rob Orton and Danny Evanski have both achieved boyhood dreams when they joined forces and opened a watering hole together. They were both quoted as saying that they’d never felt so at home.

New to the Cue!

Are you planning a skiing trip?

Do you want ‘up to the minute’ snowfall reports?

Then look no further than the

Cue’s own Climate Correspondent: Chappers!

On your behalf, we have sent him out in a bollock freezing outfit (of his own choice) to calculate the chill factor, to delve the depths with his dibber and to scratch the surface with his super snow proof poof boots!

This week he is in a small corner of Bill Brown’s garden.

Chapper’s comment: If you want snow ~ don’t go!

Andy West (pic left) has his work cut out if he wants to retain the Captaincy at the Royal Oak.

Short-sighted Andy delivered a 30 minute team talk before last weeks cup exit against Attleborough Bull. Unfortunately his words fell on deaf ears! The blind bugger was in the Fox at the time!

Andy is hoping for a better result next week as he has a full squad available to him.

Can you spot anyone with any pool ability whatsoever?

(Well done if you worked out that this is in fact a trick question…..you’re right…they’re all shite!)

Having spent the last few years not quite making it to the toilet Karl Knight is in for a pleasant surprise when he next rolls into his local the Boot Inn. You could be forgiven for thinking that the installation of a piss pot at the bar was an act of charity as punters chipped in, but not so! The cue was able to interview Knight’s cousin and team mate Gareth who said,

‘ Thank fuck for that. It’s the first time I’ve been in here without me wellies for ages!’

The Cue sends commiserations to

Rod Brown who failed in an audition for a bit part in Lord of the Rings 4, ‘The Revenge of the Tripod’!

The Cue sends commiserations to

Rod Brown who failed in an audition for a bit part in Lord of the Rings 4, ‘The Revenge of the Tripod’!

Bender Ben makes a fine entrance in his film debut!

He actually manages to find a hole or two: which is more than can be said of his pool of late!

Pictured left is Coniston B Cueist Nick Connor.

Nick insists that he swallowed the bottle two days earlier and had just let nature take it’s course.

Right~o Nick!!!

The Cue has been able to obtain medical evidence that this is not the first time Connor has been caught with something up his chuffa!

It was a sunny Friday morning on the first hole of a busy course and Andy West was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualising his upcoming shot, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please!"
Nigel Griffiths could feel every eye on the course looking at them. Andy was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, "Would that MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the MEN'S tee."
Andy heard, but simply ignored the announcement and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee back up to the MEN'S tee, PLEASE!" Finally, Andy stopped, turned and looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike. He cupped his hands and shouted back, "Would the cunt in the clubhouse kindly shut the fuck up
and let me play my second shot?"

Claire Quinney’s daughter gets lost in Tesco.

The Security Guard says, ‘What’s mummy like?’ Daughter says ‘Lager and big cocks!’

Dave Alsop was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was his turn. He rolled
the dice and he landed on "Science & Nature." His question was, "If you are
in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

He thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

Looking for an act to spice up your Xmas party?

Well look no further!

Five local pot bellied pool potters have put together a perfect party piece.

Left to right: Jase Spencer, Mushy McClaughlin, Goose Gosling, Bobo Orton and of course Chuckie Fowler.

Why not book

Nathan Boughtaflower

Featuring his own special reworking of a well known masterpiece entitled

‘All I want for Christmas is the fucker who kicked out me two front teeth’

interspersed with a variety of

bird song impressions and other whistling (although much of this can be attributed to the wind blowing through his lugholes)

Danny Evans walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is lying quietly in bed reading.
Danny says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep."
To which Danny says, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Another Cue Exclusive

Has your team got a minging, whinging bleeder?

Are you worried that they could they be in danger of being a bit of a twat?

Then why not use our Cue

Cut Out and Keep Cunt Cork!

It couldn’t be easier! Simply superimpose the face of the potential offender on the tampon and post on your pubs notice board! That’ll shut the twat up!

Guaranteed to work. Tried and tested under near laboratory conditions at the Rose Inn with this bunch of tossers!